Mindfulness: The Power of Paying Attention on Purpose

Mindfulness has become a buzzword in recent years, but at its heart, it is a timeless practice: bringing awareness to the present moment with openness, curiosity, and compassion. More than just “being calm” or “relaxing,” mindfulness is about noticing life as it unfolds and responding with intention, rather than reacting automatically.

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), mindfulness is broken down into practical “what” skills and “how” skills—offering us both the steps of practice and the manner in which to practice.

The “What” of Mindfulness:

DBT teaches that mindfulness can be practiced in three specific ways:

1. Observe – Simply notice what is happening in the present moment. Observe your breath, your body sensations, your thoughts as they arise. No need to cling or push away—just notice.

2. Describe – Put words to your experience. For example, instead of “I’m overwhelmed,” say: “I notice my heart racing, my thoughts speeding up, and a feeling of tightness in my chest.” Description brings clarity.

3. Participate – Throw yourself fully into the moment. Be present in the activity, whether that’s cooking dinner, playing with your children, or taking in the sights on vacation.

The “How” of Mindfulness:

Once you know what to do, DBT emphasizes how to do it:

• Non-judgmentally – Notice without labeling things as “good” or “bad.” Instead of “this heat is unbearable,” you might practice: “I feel heat, sweat, and the sun on my skin.”

• One-mindfully – Do one thing at a time, with full attention. If you’re sipping coffee, sip coffee. If you’re listening to your child tell a story, just listen.

• Effectively – Do what works in the moment. This isn’t about being “right” or “wrong,” but about aligning your actions with your goals and values.

  
  

Lessons from Spain

On a recent family trip to Spain, I noticed countless opportunities to practice mindfulness:

• Kids playing on the beach: Watching them dig in the sand and run into the waves was a lesson in participate. They weren’t thinking of what was next—they were immersed in play.

• City sounds at night: As traffic and voices echoed outside, I practiced observe. Instead of judging the noise as “annoying,” I noticed sound as sound.

• The heat of the day: Walking under the Spanish sun, sweat dripping down, I practiced describe: “This is heat. This is my body sweating.” Naming it helped reduce resistance.

• Marvel at architecture: Standing before centuries-old cathedrals, I leaned into one-mindfully. Rather than snap photos and move on, I breathed in the details and let awe take center stage.

  
  

These examples show how mindfulness isn’t only found in meditation—it’s a skill we can bring into daily life, especially when intention guides us.

Mindfulness and Psychological Flexibility

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), mindfulness is closely tied to psychological flexibility—the ability to adapt, shift perspectives, and take values-driven action even in the face of discomfort. DBT’s “what” and “how” skills create the scaffolding for this. By observing, describing, and participating non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively, we loosen the grip of autopilot and make space for choice.

Three Ways to Cultivate Mindfulness Daily

You don’t need a vacation—or even 20 minutes of meditation—to start practicing. Try these simple strategies:

1. Mindful breath – Stop, take one slow inhale and one slow exhale, and simply observe what happens.

2. Five-senses check-in – Describe one thing you can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch to anchor yourself in the moment.

3. Intentional pause – Before entering a conversation or task, ask: “How do I want to show up right now?” Then choose to participate fully.

   
   

Mindfulness is not about perfection—it’s about practice. By learning the “what” and “how” skills, and by paying attention with intention, we invite more presence, flexibility, and meaning into our daily lives.

Melissa